Therapy

I’ll bet most of you didn’t know this about me but I am in therapy. I am sure some of you are thinking ‘thank God’ while others wonder where I get the time. All I can tell you is that I have been in therapy for years and have had many great “sessions” as well as a few failures along the way. Last night was probably one of the most enlightening sessions I’ve had in a long time. Allow me to explain but first you’ll need to understand the type of therapy I receive. It had to be flexible to fit into my life, which wasn't easy. So my therapy had to come from many places. Some of which you will understand and some I couldn’t explain even to a licensed therapist. My therapy comes from painting walls (often the same wall more than once), refinishing furniture, Bunko nights, going to the grocery store by myself, chatting with a girlfriend who understand that just because your two year old is throwing a temper tantrum in the background doesn’t mean you have to get off the phone, camping, camping, camping, camping, visits from my in-laws (no, I am not kidding), turning my phone off on Monday mornings so I can clean without interruption, a friend who offers to take my kids even though she's just as bogged down, writing (even though I lack the skill), and reading, are just a few. I have also had many “therapists” most, if not all of them, did not even know their roll or the impact they have had on me. In fact, if you are reading this you’ve probably been one of my “therapists” at one point or another. I hope you get the picture. So, on to what went on last night. My therapy session came in the form of a night out with three other women. A friend of mine invited me to a church sponsored comedy night. I was exhausted and hesitated to go but for some reason I knew I needed to take advantage of a girls night out. While the comedy was clean it was also gut-wrenchingly funny. About half way through the show the laughter came to a screeching halt. One of the comedians began to talk about her struggle with depression. She became very serious and the audience listened intently as she recounted her struggles, the downward spiral, the darkness, and finally about her journey back to the stage, back to pursuing her passion. The show ended with more comedy, and like seeing a great movie I came home having experienced so many emotions all in one night. It was fabulous. It took me two hours to fall asleep when I got home, even though I was full-blown exhausted. I kept thinking about how the comedian had explained her depression. “It is like painting your sunglasses solid black and wearing them around for thirty days,” she said. "You can’t see straight ahead but you know life is going on around you." I related it to my Grandfather who had Macular Degeneration. He was legally blind for the last few years of his life and similar to wearing the glasses of depression he could only see through peripheral vision. I began to think of all the peripherals we see (what people drive, what they wear, where they live) and how warped we can get when we focus on those things instead of what is right in front of our eyes; the people, friendships, and the love. I spent all afternoon on Sunday picking up and doing things for Rick, for his Birthday, focusing on the peripherals of what would make the day great. Looking back I now realize that the night before HE gave ME the best gift of all. He came home from another stressful, long week of travel, walked in and kissed me hello. “I love you,” he said as always. I was in my fabulous torn t-shirt and stained sweat shorts, looking ever so lovely (picture Oscar the grouch from sesame street) and I said “really?” To which he replied, “there is one thing in my life I have never doubted and that is my love for you.” ... I may be a little slow because it took me until last night to really appreciate his reply. I have to say that my cheap form of therapy has really paid off. It's not a great car or nice house that makes me feel lucky, happy, or keeps me sane, it is all of you!